RICH HAYES | home
New Years Message for 2008
*Transcript of talk given by Rich Hayes at Unitarian Universalist Church in Pittsfield, MA 12/30/07
So this Buddhist monk arrives for a visit in New York City.
He's heard about the great hot dogs there and wants to have one.
He finds a hot dog stand and tells the man to "make him one with everything.."
So the vendor slaps a dog in the roll and slathers it with the whole works and hands it to the monk
and says, "That'll be $4.50". The monk hands him a $20 bill.
The Vendor turns around and puts the $20 in his cash draw and starts to take care of another customer.
The monk says, "What about my change??"
The vendor smiles as he says, "Ahhh... change comes from within".
I have good news and I have bad news for you.
Good news is: things are going to change.
Bad news is: things are going to change.
This to shall pass is both a blessing and a curse.
Everything changes.
All the time.
And that is both good and bad.
It’s the yin and the yang of existence.
The tide comes in and the tide goes out.
We see this in our lives. We see this in our culture and society.
We see it in our businesses - on Wall Street and in real esate.
What goes up will eventually come down...
and vis-a-versa.
Change. We thank God for it!
Change. We curse God for it!
Considering that we're standing on the cusp of a new year,
I thought “change” would be a good choice as this mornings topic.
So I spent a few hours fleshing things out, writing things down, and thought it all sounded pretty good.
Then I read it.There was a problem: It bored me. Not just a little. It bored me a lot!
By this time it was Thursday night and I knew I was in trouble.
I'd already committed to the title for the talk.
Plus I wanted to use the Buddhist joke, so it had to be about change.
But what I'd written just didn't do it for me...and if it didn't do it for me
why should I expect it'd do anything for you?
I tried to rewrite it but nothing would come to me. I found I had nothing to say.
So, sitting in front of my computer at twenty minutes to 11 on Thursday night I said:
"So, God, what would you like me to say?”
Well, I might have been empty, but thankfully She wasn't!
Here’s what She had to say.
First, She said to let you know that things are going to work out fine ...eventually.
But things have to change first, and that’s okay, because they will....they always do.
Change is part of the reason we're all here in the first place.
Some of the changes may hurt a little -and some may hurt a lot. But she said to remember that no
matter what it is, it will eventually pass.
Everything does.
She said to tell you that the pain or the circumstances of whatever it is have nothing to do with any
kind of punishment or judgment.
She wonders how we ever came up with such a crazy notion and really wishes we'd let it go!
She says that it’s through change that we learn and grow; that
change is meant to help us.
She says there is always opportunity in change-always!
She emphasized the “always” part.
Then She said there’s way too much fear over change....and just about everything else these days!
She says that fear only makes things harder for us
-that it makes us do “weird” things.
And it causes us to hurt ourselves.
She'd really like us to get past this part of our development!
She said that we should be reminding ourselves that there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
And by the way FDR says hi.
Fear-instead of overcoming it, we’re swimming in an ocean of it!
And God forbid we should forget it for a moment!
But She said that won’t happen any time soon, because there are far too many people who will
remind us of all the reasons to be afraid. They know if you weren’t afraid they might be out of a job-
so it’s also fear that holds them!
Be afraid, BE VERY AFRAID.....
FEAR! FEAR! FEAR! FEAR! FEAR!
I was getting a bit nervous again. This wasn’t going as I had hoped.
I felt like I’d really hit a nerve with Her.
"Okay, so Fear’s a problem", I said.
She said, “It’s Theeeeee problem..”
Well, What do we do about it? I asked.
There was a long silence. I began to fear that I'd lost Her.
Then She said : "Stop it....just stop it!!
Stop being afraid. Stop making decisions based on fear. Stop signing over your life and giving your
freedom away in favor of somebody else keeping you safe.
No one-absolutely no one -can make such a guarantee. It doesn't work that way.
Stop putting off things because you are afraid you can’t, or don’t know enough, or aren’t good enough.
Just stop all of it."
Of course, as She was listing all these things, my mind started running down all the things that frighten me.
She snapped me out of thiis.
"See-there you go again. Look at all those things!!
How many of them were REAL???"
She had a point.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve let fear stop me from doing something-something I wished I’d done, but never did.
I’m not talking about physically risky things.
I’m talking about emotionally risky... like telling someone how I really felt about them and what they meant to me,
but not doing it because I was afraid it would sound silly or they’d reject me in some way.
Or not dancing because I was afraid I’d look foolish;
or not singing because I was afraid I'd be off key and someone might laugh;
or not raising my hand because I was afraid I had the wrong answer;
or not speaking up because I was afraid what others might think;
or not telling you what I thought because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me if you knew.
All the times I feared I wasn’t good enough.
And on and on.
She was right. None of those things was real, unless I allowed them to be.
I had to believe in them! But I no longer do - at least most of them.
Me up here talking to you! Big Fear!! Once upon a time.
"But some fears are good", I argued.
Her answer: "not if they make you a prisoner."
Again she had a point.
But the title of this talk is supposed to be “Change”, not FEAR.
She said "Fine. Tell them not to be afraid TO change! They can do it."
She says that it’s time to let go of the things that stop you from doing what you really love,
really believe and really value in life!
That you should Open your eyes so you can see more, open your mind so you can learn more,
and open your heart so you can love more. And DO NOT let Fear stop you!!
Remember “time out’s” when you were a kid?? She’d like each of us to take a time out every day.
Time out is not turning on the TV and zoning out. It’s not even reading a great book.
Time out is time to be still. Time to listen. Time to stop all the doing and just be.
She said I should remind you that you already have all you need to do what you have to do -
you just need to connect to it, and that happens in the stillness.
By the way, She said that She'd really like you to use that special gift she gave you.
Then she asked me if I liked James Taylor. By the way, She happens to be a big James Taylor fan.
She said that James has it right:
The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.
She also wanted me to tell all of you that she loves the saying you’ve chosen to post
outside on your message board:
“It’s not how much you do, but how much love you put in the doing”
She said that when you get that, you’ve got it.
Put love in all you do, because love is the stuff of eternity.
And where there is love, there is nothing to fear.
She Wishes you all a love filled and fear-less 2008.